Filed under: Teachers, Moms, Dads, 3 years, 4 years, 5 years, 6-7 years, 8-9 years, Preschooler, Pre-teen, Teenager, Books

According to a survey conducted by ITV, Britons are ruder than they used to be. They spit, they swear, they don't say "please" and "thank you". A third of the respondents blame this anti-social behavior on a lack of manners and 90 percent blame the lack of manners on mom and dad.

"I suppose it's part of the breakdown in society -- the fact that we stopped having respect for figures in authority partly because those in authority didn't command it," etiquette coach Diana Mather says.

If the fault lies at home, shouldn't the solution also be found there? Almost 75 percent of those surveyed think not. Instead, they believe that instilling manners should be the responsibility of teachers and taught in the classroom.

I can see the logic - if mom and dad are lacking good manners themselves, how are they going to pass them on to their children? But to me, parenting is all about on-the-job training. If mom and dad don't already have a grasp on etiquette and socially-acceptable behavior, they can certainly take it upon themselves to learn.

Now, if you want to give teachers some extra work, how about teaching shoe-tying? Come to think of it, there is probably a book for that, too.

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Filed under: Teenager, Celebrity kids, Magazines, Photography, Celebrity parents

Teen star Miley Cyrus recently posed for photographer Annie Leibovitz, who was shooting her for an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. Though most of the photos picture a happy, fun-loving teenager, one photo of 15-year-old Miley appears to show her topless. Miley, who by all accounts was excited about the shoot, now says that she's embarrassed by the photo.

Though her parents claim to be mortified, they were on the set on day. They left before the "topless" photo was taken, but Miley's grandmother and teacher were still in attendance. Vanity Fair claims that the family saw all of the shots before they were released and loved them.

I know that the tabloids are drooling over Miley right now, dying for the apparently down-to-earth star to make a mistake. It's clear that she's trying desperately not to, but she's 15...she's going to do something she regrets at some point. (Didn't we all?) It's too bad that when it happened this time, it was at the hand of adults who were supposed to be looking out for her.

I thought that maybe everyone was making too big a deal out of this, but after looking at the photo I have to agree that her young, innocent face combined with the provocative pose is disturbing. What do you think -- artistic or inappropriate?

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Filed under: Going to school, 4 years, 5 years, Preschooler, Books

Children who start school with absolutely no reading skills are at a considerable academic disadvantage, even at the kindergarten level.

One way to help is to give your child a head start at home. See Me Read is a simple and basic literacy program that can be used prior to or in conjunction with any preschool or kindergarten program that focuses on phonics. Best of all it's simple and you don't need a teaching degree to use it!

The See Me Read Kit #1 consists of laminated flashcards, labels and a simple book that are all illustrated with photos you've downloaded of your child interacting with the words you've selected from the list on the See Me Read website. Already this program has the old Dick and Jane reader beat because your beginning reader is the star of the show!

Placing the labels near the objects they represent helps emergent readers make the connection between the grouping of letters and the physical object (like Anne Sullivan did with Helen Keller by pour water in her hand and then signing "water" over and over) the laminated cards on a ring help children understand these letters represent the objects even when they aren't present (the photos help provide a clue as to word is) and the paperback book is a simple, repetitive story that incorporates the same words and photos used on the flashcards and labels.

Could you do the same thing at home with your computer and printer? Sure! However, being able to do something and actually doing it are two different things.

The paper, laminating, and professional look about everything in the kit is of a very high quality. And even though $59 is a lot of money, the sturdy materials and time saved from creating a similar program yourself might be worth it.

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Filed under: Eating, 0-3 months, Infant / First year, Breastfeeding

Dylan, my three-month-old, has been a formula-fed baby from birth, and not that anyone needs an explanation about that but I'll just quickly say it was a couldn't-vs-wouldn't issue. My older boy Riley also had bottle instead of breast, and since I knew after his birth that my situation would require any future children to suckle at the sweet teat of Isomil instead of my own I've had some time to get used to this fact.

You'd think that would mean I've been able to lay aside any guilt and regret for something I have no control over, and yet I haven't, not completely. I read Angie's post here at ParentDish about the pro-breastfeeding billboard that reads "Babies are made to be breastfed" with great interest because I have seen these signs in Seattle (often near a Starbucks, of course --- mmmm, breastmilk cappucino!) and my own gut reaction was one of defensiveness. I've thought, where the hell is the second line that says 'Although we acknowledge that not all mothers are meant to breastfeed'?

As some of the commenters have pointed out, though, the billboard is probably meant more as public service announcement for those who still react to the sight of a breastfeeding woman as though she has sleazily whipped open a trenchcoat to flash her goods at innocent passers-by.

One thing I've learned the hard way -- especially since becoming a parent -- is that no one can make you feel guilty. Not your friends, your family, the media, or angry internet commenters. It's a feeling you have to own, because it's your own creation. Whenever I see an ad for formula or even the container of formula itself that reads "Breast milk is recommended" I want to whop the makers of Whatchamacallit Advanced with Iron over the head and yell I KNOW THAT BUT THANKS FOR REMINDING ME THAT I'M POISONING MY CHILD WITH YOUR INSANELY EXPENSIVE POWDER. Is it the formula company's fault for making me feel that way? Or the US Department of Health's for putting up a pro-breastfeeding billboard? Nope, that's all on me.

Didn't someone once say something like, guilt leads to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering? Or, wait . . . I just mis-quoted Yoda. Well, still.

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Filed under: Moms, Dads, 10-12 years, Pre-teen, Teenager, 13-14 years, Marketing to kids

Thirteen years ago, University of Iowa professor Gigi Durham began research for a book about the sexualization of young girls. Immersing herself in the same world our girls live in, she sought to reveal the motive behind the marketing of sex to 8 to 12-year-olds. Surely it didn't take 13 years of research to understand that it is all about money.

Her new book, The Lolita Effect, explores why and how the adage "sex sells" doesn't just apply to adults anymore. She believes that this sexualization of tween girls is part of marketer's larger efforts to create cradle-to-grave consumers. "A lot of very sexual products are being marketed to very young kids," she said. "I'm criticizing the unhealthy and damaging representations of girls' sexuality, and how the media present girls' sexuality in a way that's tied to their profit motives. The body ideals presented in the media are virtually impossible to attain, but girls don't always realize that, and they'll buy an awful lot of products to try to achieve those bodies. There's endless consumerism built around that."

Durham doesn't just point the finger at the big, bad marketers and suggest we wait for them to change. She shares five media-created myths of sexuality and gives practical advice on how to battle them. Her first suggestion is to start the conversation early. "There's this hesitance to talk about these issues, especially before kids reach adolescence," Durham said. "But often, when parents finally do bring it up, it's too late. Kids have already had their sexual understanding shaped by media. We need to be having a lot of open discussions about the sexualization of childhood and what constitutes healthy sexuality. I don't think we should neglect our responsibility as adults and leave them to navigate this terrain on their own."

As the parent of a seven-year-old girl, I can attest to the fact that Durham knows of what she speaks. I am regularly appalled at the images and ideas Ellie is exposed to and welcome some good, solid advice on combating it. The Lolita Effect will be released May 1 and I intend to read it.

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Filed under: 10-12 years, Pre-teen, Teenager, 13-14 years, 15-19 years, Bullying, In the News

Like teens and tweens everywhere, Scottish kids sometimes get into trouble. For minor offenses like vandalism or bullying, lawmakers there are considering a rather interesting system for doling out punishment: a jury of their peers. In other words, a children's court where young offenders plead their cases before a jury full of children.

Criminal defense lawyer John Scott thinks it just might work. "It sounds like something worth trying," he says. "Sometimes young people can get through to young offenders in a way that judges, lawyers and social workers can't."

Of course, the idea has its detractors. A former high court judge thinks kids judging kids is "a completely crackpot idea drawn up on the back of an envelope."

Based on my own experience with teenage petty crime, I am in favor of this idea. I got into a little bit of trouble back in middle school and what had the most impact on me was not the visit to the Principal's office. It was the walk of shame to the Principal's office in front of all my classmates. That made a lasting impression on me and ended my short career as a graffiti artist.

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Filed under: Lifestyle, Family togetherness, Parks, Adventures in Parenting, Outings, Vacations, Environmental, Outdoor Play

This past weekend, I took the kids camping (didja miss me?). We went with five other families we'd met through Jared's preschool. All told, there were eleven adults and thirteen kids in our group. We all had adjoining or nearby campsites and shared the kitchen area and fire ring of the central-most site.

Both Jared and Sara had a grand old time running around the woods of Samuel P. Taylor State Park with their friends. They found a log bridge that crossed the stream, hid in a hollowed-out hole in a redwood tree, chased lizards and banana slugs, and generally ran themselves ragged getting in touch with nature.

Camping is a wonderful activity for families. First off, it's a cheap vacation -- we paid $20 a night for our site and that could accommodate two families. There are no fancy restaurants to splurge on, so your food costs are pretty much what they would be at home. Once you have some basic gear -- a tent, sleeping bags, a stove, and flashlights -- your costs really are minimal. And camping is a great way for families to have wonderful shared experiences.

So with that in mind, I thought I'd share some tips I've learned over the years as well as this last weekend.


First off, if you've got kids, go in a group of families with similar aged kids. It means you have less work to do (my kids had eleven parents keeping an eye on them this weekend) and lets them run wild with kids their own age and -- perhaps more importantly -- energy level.

Plan your food together. Kids do eat a lot in the outdoors, but we didn't really need three watermelons and four gallons of milk for the weekend. On the other hand, it's nice to share different foods -- my son Jared got to try Japanese yakitori, crab, Muslim Thai curried potatoes, and lentil-and-rice stew.

Trying new foods is a wonderful thing, but not all kids are up for that, especially when they're already dealing with a new environment (and are probably bone-tired by the time dinner rolls around.) So, make sure you bring some comfort food along. Despite all the wonderful options available (the aforementioned delights, plus teriyaki tri-tip, short ribs, salmon, and so on), most of the kids simply wanted hot dogs. There's nothing wrong with that -- it allows them to connect with the new and unfamiliar while still maintaining a link to the familiar and comfortable.

If your kids like eggs, they make a fantastic camping breakfast. The trick is in knowing how to get them from your house to camp successfully. Sure, lots of stores sell those plastic egg carriers, but unless you have your heart set on over-easy, why bother? Get yourself a water-tight jug and crack the eggs into it at home. You don't have to worry about breaking eggs or dealing with shells in camp. I add some onions, no-salt herb mix, and milk before I leave the house and come breakfast, I just pour 'em into a hot pan.

One of the other parents brought along some crayons and coloring books and her younger daughter and my Sara spent some happy hours in their tent coloring together. While adults are happy to relax staring up at the trees (just resting their eyes, of course!), kids need some less cerebral activities sometimes. It's good to have an activity where they can wind down a bit.

As much as I hate washing dishes, I prefer to use real plates and cups (the environment and all that) even while camping. For your last meal before leaving, however, consider using paper plates and cups. You're likely to have most everything packed up already and you want to avoid having to unpack again (or worse -- waiting until the last minute to pack up). You especially don't want to have to choose between washing dishes before you go or bringing home dirty ones.

The Travel Channel offers a Guide to Camping with Infants and Toddlers -- yes, even the very little can go camping. GORP (I seem to recall it originally stood for the Great Outdoors Recreation Pages) has an extract from one of Tom Stienstra's books about building excitement about the outdoors in kids. REI has some tips on camping with kids, as does the site LoveTheOutdoors.com.

So go on, turn off the Wii and get your kids outside. I came to realize this weekend that kids really do look their best when their covered with dirt. And, yes, it all washes off (eventually).

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Filed under: Breastfeeding, Likes and dislikes

I saw a billboard the other day that read: Babies are made to be breastfed. My first response was "Babies are made to poop and pee everywhere too!" and the second thought was "What a stupid billboard."

How is a giant visual guilt trip next to an interstate going to change things for the women with a low milk supply? Show the overly self-conscious mother the error of her formula feeding ways? Is bullying women by telling them how selfish they are for not spending their lunch hours in the supply closet with their breast pump really the best way to inspire woman to nurse their babies?

Formula isn't evil. Women who opt not to breastfeed aren't bad parents. Educating people on the benefits of breastfeeding is one thing, but this approach is a huge turn-off, at least to me, and I breastfed all four of my babies.

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Filed under: 6-7 years, In the News

When Latarain Milton got mad at his mother, he grabbed the car keys and a friend and took off.

The difference between Latarain's story and the hundreds of other guys who rip out of driveways to cool off is that Latarain is only seven years old.

The little boy, who could barely see over the steering wheel, traveled about six miles on busy Florida streets before totaling the vehicle. And because driving a real vehicle is a lot different than driving one in a video game, he also left a trail of destruction in his wake. Along the way, Latarain smashed mailboxes and damaged several cars (parked and moving) before breaking an axle on his grandmother's Durango. Neither Latarain nor his passenger were injured during their little escapade.

Even more frightening than a seven-year-old joyrider is Latarain's attitude. The child appears to have no remorse and told reporters he thinks a weekend without video games is a suitable punishment. He also said, "It's fun to do bad things" and that he "just wants to do hood-rat things with his friends."

Police are charging Latarain with grand theft to get him into the legal system and get him the help he needs.

Suddenly, the milk left out on the counter or the kids forgetting to flush doesn't seem so bad, does it?!

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Filed under: Health and Safety, Doing it myself, Toddler, Preschooler, Pre-teen, Teenager, Blogs, Parental relationships, In the News

When I was 11, I had a summer job. Five days a week, I rode my 10-speed two miles into town and babysat three kids. The oldest was 10, furious that her babysitter was only a year older than her. The youngest was only one. I can't even imagine leaving my kids with an 11-year-old today, but in those days, it was the norm. All of my friends had babysitting jobs, and all of them also got around on their 10-speeds, just like me.

By all accounts, children in the United States are safer than ever. Crime is down, accidents and illness are less common than before, and the chance that your kid will be abducted by a stranger, say experts, is about one in a million. Yet many of us, myself included, have a white knuckle grip on our children's lives.

Lenore Skenazy, a Manhattan mom and New York Sun columnist, recently wrote about letting her nine-year-old son ride the subway on his own. Critics and supporters came out in droves, calling her both neglectful and a breath of fresh air. She used the incident to create her own blog about kids and independence, called Free Range Kids. The idea behind the concept is to live responsibly (seat belts, helmets, airbags, etc.), but not to restrict your child's actions out of fear.
I'm working every day to balance my own fears with my girls' budding desire to get out and experience the world on their own terms. But I also think one of the reasons why our kids are so safe is because of the many rules that have changed since we (or our parents) were kids.

How many times have you been forwarded that email that says, "You know you were born in 1950/60/70/80 if..."? It always says things like, "We didn't have bike helmets and we still survived!" Sure, that's true. But the fact remains that bike helmets have significantly reduced the number of head injuries in children. So I think that we need to be careful when judging what is safe and what is over-protective. It's far too easy to say, "Well, I did it and I'm fine," while ignoring the fact that many other children in those decades did it and are not fine.

My girls are young and there are no subways in a three-state radius of me, so I'll likely not have to grapple with the decision that Skenazy made for quite some time. But they do tell me in a million smaller ways when I'm being overprotective. We have an ongoing battle over playing in the front yard -- I won't let them unless I'm out there too (they have a perfectly lovely, fenced backyard they can play in anytime) -- and they want to cross busy streets without me clutching their hands.

I don't know if I have it in me to be a "free range parent," but I'm also working hard to put away my hover-mama tendencies. What about you -- where do you fall on the protective parent continuum?

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