Filed under: My Kid Has Four Parents

I was recently working on a project with another young dad, who also has a three-year-old daughter. We talked about traveling, missing our kids, and how -- especially at this age -- children seem noticeably older if you don't see them for a week.

But I hardly ever travel. The only reason I know what it's like to miss my kid is because, until recently, I only saw her on weekends.

So I had to explain why that is -- the same way I have to explain it to all the parents I meet. I always try to relay the story to these relative strangers without emotion -- as if I wasn't painfully aware of the social monster I was supposed to be.

A coward, a quitter, or just an unbearable a**hole -- because a normal, caring father would never let his family fall apart.

* * *

When you're a potential deadbeat, your relationship to your child isn't official until it's outlined in confusing legalese.

For that, you go to your local Attorney General's office. It's not in a courthouse, or some official-looking legislative outpost, but in a faceless office building -- the kind of place you'd find the Department of Motor Vehicles (or the training center for a nearby real estate college). And, like at the DMV, you avoid small talk, awkwardly awaiting your turn as you repeatedly read the poorly-hung, fear-mongering government posters.

In this case, it's a list of the Top Ten Most Wanted Child Support Evaders, followed by a more emotional declation of why it's important to pay child support (for your child's sake), and a third poster outlining how you can effectively pay said child support (presuming you were convinced by the first two documents).

When you're not reading, you can eavesdrop on the nearby conversation between a young man and an office employee, who's politely but firmly explaining to him that, because he didn't pay child support, and he failed to appear in court, there's now a warrant out for his arrest.

You finally see a counselor, who could give a rat's ass about you or your kid, because this is their job, and they do it every day for 9 hours so they can feed their family and have health insurance. They work out how much you owe, get you to sign some forms, and then re-iterate the basics:

"If you don't pay child support, we will come after you, and put you in jail. If she doesn't provide you access to the child, we won't come after her -- you'll need to get a lawyer. But even if that happens, you still have to pay."

Because, let's be honest, that's all you'll ever be good for, deadbeat.

* * *

More recently, I was explaining to a friend of mine the now emotionless story of how I became a separated parent. When I told her the part about moving to Texas (to ensure I'd have at least some relationship with my child), she told me it was "noble."

But that's not how it felt -- in fact, at the time it seemed like I was grasping at straws. I was desperately chasing speculation, head down, charging forward without stopping to think -- because, if I had stopped, I almost certainly would've turned back. I was clinging to my responsibility -- hating everyone who told me I shouldn't, and petrified at the person I'd become if I let myself walk away.

Even now, long after that first stomach-churning meeting at the AG's office, there's a little voice of doubt that pushes me to spend more time with Edan -- to have more fun, to impart more wisdom, to a be a better parent.

So much so, that sometimes I worry that I'm driven by the fear of being a deadbeat.

And I say this knowing that there are countless divorced or separated parents who actively participate, and are essential to their children's lives. The idea that our families -- just because they're split into multiple households -- are "broken," is outdated, archaic, and just plain wrong.

I don't believe in the myth -- and I certainly don't want to parent in fear of it.

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Filed under: Gear, Health and Safety, Car Seats

Have you seen the Volvo commercial where the woman is walking to her car, alone at night, across a dark parking lot? As she approaches her car, she notices a flashing signal on her key fob. Her car's computer has detected a heartbeat inside the car and is warning her to stay away. She looks alarmed and turns around and walks quickly back in the direction from which she came. I don't like the commercial - it is creepy and it seems designed expressly to scare women.

While that may be how Volvo is marketing its Personal Car Communicator, it has another use that actually makes a lot of sense - the heartbeat detector would also alert parents if they accidentally left a child in the car.

Another device, the Child Minder system, involves replacing the car seat's harness with a "smart clip" that is synchronized to a key ring alarm. As long as a child is buckled into the seat, an alarm will sound if the key ring moves further than 10 feet from the vehicle. NASA in working on something similar which uses a weight-sensitive pad under the car seat cushion.

Clearly, the technology exists for devices that would prevent the all-too-common summer tragedy of children dying after being forgotten in a sweltering car. But it would cost automakers a bundle to incorporate this feature into their vehicles and so far, Volvo seems to be the only one doing it.

According to a spokesman for the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, money isn't the reason car manufacturers aren't including these safety devices as standard equipment. According to Wade Newton, it is because no one has come up with a system that doesn't give false alarms. That sounds like an excuse to me. Safety devices give false alarms all the time. How many times has your car's intruder alarm gone off because of thunder?

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Filed under: Gear, Health and Safety

While Nolan was getting his hair cut last week, I perused the shelves of the little shop to see what kind of shampoos they have for kids. I've been using Aveeno Baby Soothing Creamy Wash, and though it's great that it has no fragrance or harsh detergents, it doesn't seem to do very much except to leave pasty lumpy white stuff in his hair. And I bought Aubrey Organics Natural Baby and Kids, which smells nice and seems to wash well -- but it's been siting unused on the side of the tub because it's not tear-free, and frankly, that's a pain in the butt when you're trying to wrangle an almost-two-year old at bath time.

So my eye caught a line of neat green bottles labeled "little docs". Each bottle had a friendly looking avatar on the label and a little bio like "Jose Gregorio Hernandez was a famous doctor from Venezuela." Awesome. The bottles were labeled for eczema and sensitive skin, and contained spray lotion, calming cream, and allergen-free baby wash. After confirming their popularity with Moms with Nolan's cheery stylist, I bought a sample pack of all three products.

And they are awesome. The shampoo cleans and doesn't provoke tears, and Nolan sits still to let me spray his legs with the cooling spray lotion and his poor eczema seems less angry in the last several days.

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Filed under: Celebrity babies, Celebrity kids, Child Custody, Divorce, Celebrity parents

Surprising no one in the entire world, Britney (Spears Alexander Federline) and Kevin Federline's pimaplicious marriage came to an official end yesterday.

What was unexpected was the custody agreement. In spite all Brit's latest crazy, (swimming in her underwear, falling apart during a magazine interview and the shooting of a new video, the Vegas scuffle where Sean got hurt) and reports that both family and former friends were helping Kevin in the proceedings, Britney and her ex were granted 50/50 joint custody of the couple's children, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Reportedly, neither parent is happy with the arrangement and Kevin is said to want to go back to court as early as this week to petition for a change.

The former pop star and the back-up dancer were married for a little over two years and their sons will turn 1 and 2 years old in September.

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Filed under: Lifestyle, Outings

Some proposals are so moving that the earth moves and life changes forever. For Sharon Parry this is exactly the case. When her boyfriend recently took her for a hike and then got down on his knees to ask for her hand in marriage, she said yes and then proceed to fall over and crack open her head. After being fetched by a mountain rescue team, Parry spent the night in a hospital with a row full of stitches in her aching head.

Parry says she had no idea her now fiance, Andy Laurence, was planning to pop the all too important question to her when the couple and Parry's 7 year-old daughter from a previous marriage set out for their nature outing. Perry's daughter caught the whole romantic sequence on tape, which should make for good viewing once the family has celebrated the wedding and wants to experience the excitement all over again.

Do you have a fabulous or unusual engagement story? Please share.

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Filed under: Lifestyle, Moms, Adventures in Parenting

I arrived home from a brief excursion away yesterday. Awaiting me: drooly toddler kisses, a disgruntled dog, an emptied vacuum cleaner and a giant bag of poop. Dog poop, to be specific, not toddler diapers, which makes the matter even more traumatizing. Left on my lawn.

I wrote last week about how my dog had escaped in the night and pooped indiscriminately in the yard of my (very proper) new neighbours. I have to admit that I have been remiss in dropping over that box of chocolates as an added apology, but I have been very diligent in ensuring that Jordi has remained inside the house and every morning I take him across the street and well into the forest to poop (and then duly clean up with my neat little dime-store baggies). I know for a fact that nary a dog log has been dropped in their yard by my dog in over a week.

But I returned home yesterday to observe the perplexing appearance of a giant black garbage bag in my yard, neatly placed at the periphery of the grass I share with my neighbour's backyard.

"Weird," I said to my Mom,"How long has that been there for?"
"Three days,"she replied,"I think it might be a hint."
"You think she's put Jordi's poop in there and left the garbage bag out? But no, I offered to clean it the day she came over and she said not to bother because the rain had already disintegrated it."

I snuck over to the bag and furtively untied the knot -- peered inside, just to be sure. Grass clumps, dirt -- and was that...nearly disintegrated dog poop? Did she scoop up the dog poop she would not let me clean, pitch it in a garbage bag and then throw it on my lawn while I wasn't home? But why? I have to be clear: my neighbour, though clipped herself, has a very untidy yard. It would have taken a lot of hard work to amble around and scoop up shrinking poop shrapnels to put in a garbage bag for me. And there wouldn't have been very much: my dog escaped one night only.

I have always had very nice, keep-to-myself kind of neighbours in the past. It seems a little different here, in this street of quiet, dignified older people. I kind of think that we are regarded with suspicion: my odd little misnumbered family. That's OK. I still want to be friendly with people: this, after all, is where my son will grow up.

So, do I put the poop and shrapnel bag back in her yard? Ask them about the symbolism behind the garbage bag? Or just quietly haul it away and forget about that plate of cookies?

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Filed under: Image of the Day

These two small ones look like they are having about as much fun in a bucket as can possibly be! Their smiles are contagious as they grab on to the bucket and hold on for the ride of their young lives. Thank you so much to Thomas Stupfert for sharing this whimsical moment with us here at Image of the Day.

If you'd like your own picture featured here, simply upload photos into our group Flickr Pool - We'll select an image every day to highlight. Remember: we're on the lookout for shots with interesting backgrounds, cool angles, or original composition. Be sure to read the intro on the main Flickr page for more information and limit your uploading to 5 photos per day.

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Filed under: Feeding & Nutrition, Health and Safety, Moms, Grandparents, 3 years

Just the word 'exorcism' takes me back to my childhood - and not in a good way. I remember seeing the movie The Exorcist with my best friend when we were young teenagers and it gave us both nightmares for weeks. Seriously scary stuff.

Imagining the scene in a Phoenix, Arizona house where a grandfather reportedly tried to exorcise demons from his 3-year-old granddaughter gives me the chills. Police officers, responding to a report of an exorcism, arrived on the scene to the sounds of screaming coming from a bedroom. A bed had been pushed up to the bedroom door, but when officers pushed it open, they saw 49-year-old Ronald Marquez choking his bloodied granddaughter.
The girl's 19-year-old mother, bloody and naked herself, was chanting "something that was religious in nature."

The officers forced their way into the room, subdued the grandfather with two hits from a stun gun and freed the little girl. Initially, the grandfather appeared normal, but then stopped breathing. He was later pronounced dead at a hospital.

According to the police, a relative had called for help, explaining that an exorcism was taking place. "The purpose was to release demons from this very young child," said Sgt. Joel Tranter.

The little girl and her mother are recovering in a hospital and police are investigating "other possible abuses" against the child. The mom hasn't been charged with anything yet, but police are looking at criminal charges against her.

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Filed under: Health and Safety, Media, Monitoring your kids

Realizing that blogs are a great medium for anyone to share information on a topic, Jack McClellan started his own. Only Jack didn't want a place to discuss American Idol or give tips on fly fishing- his site is a forum to promote the acceptance of pedophiles and to direct other pedophiles to the events and places where children tend to gather in Los Angeles. The blog also contained nonsexual photographs he had taken of children in public places. McClellan's site was shut down by the server a few weeks ago, but he plans to restart it with a Dutch server.

"Just the idea that this person could get away with what he was doing and no one could press charges has made me angry," said Jane Thompson, a stay-at-home mother in East Los Angeles who recently read Mr. McClellan's comments about a festival in her neighborhood in which he seemed to be describing her child. Because McClellan doesn't have a criminal record and his site isn't breaking any laws and is protected by the First Amendment, police officers can't really do much.

Parents in the area have started posting "Jack sightings" and even photographs of McClellan in an attempt to keep kids safe and other parents informed of the whereabouts of the man who calls himself a pedophile but claims to have never sexually touched a child.

Logically, I realize anyone can easily find local children activities online, but the thought of a pedophile compiling an illustrated list for fellow perverts (and taking pictures of kids he finds interesting) disturbs me greatly.

Something needs to be done before a child is molested or a parent snaps takes care the the problem themselves.

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Filed under: Pregnancy and Birth, Celebrity babies, Rumors, Celebrity parents

Grammy winning R&B singer Usher was set to become a husband this past weekend, but according to his publicist, his wedding to Tameka Foster was canceled. Usher had planned to marry his pregnant fiance Saturday at the Hamptons home of record executive L.A. Reid.

No word on just why the union was canceled, but theories abound. Apparently, Usher's mother, Jonetta Patton, wasn't thrilled with her future daughter-in-law. And who can blame her? In May, Usher fired his mother as his professional manager amid speculation that Foster had expressed an interest in the job. He also recently split with his long-time publicist, Simon Smalls.

These changes in Usher's inner circle have led some to believe that his 36-year-old fiance is controlling his life. Usher was even moved to pen an open letter to People denying that he was being "led" by Foster.

They may have canceled the wedding, but there is no canceling the baby due this fall. This will be Usher's first child. Foster has three children from a previous marriage.

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