When it’s better not to tell junior just how smart he is
Filed under: Child Development, Lifestyle, Teachers, Preschool, Elementary school, Middle school, High school, Public school, Private school, Going to school, Emotions, Discipline, Parental relationships, Likes and dislikes
There is a fascinating article in this month's New York Magazine about whether or not praising intelligence is really to a truly smart child's benefit. The article describes the case of "Thomas" a bright little boy among the top one percent of the top one percent of a school that only accepts the top one percent of applicants (whew!). His parents, however, warn that his intelligence hasn't necessarily translated into confidence in the performance of his studies. "Thomas didn't want to try things he wouldn't be successful at," his father says. "Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn't, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, 'I'm not good at this.'" Thomas abandoned subjects like spelling and cursive and fractions because they did not immediately come easy to him. Researchers are beginning to note a real distinction between intelligence in children and the importance of effort, and parental praise may have a large role in discouraging effort. According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it's important to tell their kids that they're smart. Parental praise is viewed as universally a good thing, as it supposedly bolsters self-confidence. But a growing body of research suggests that unending parental praise of a child's intelligence may actually encourage underperformance. Researchers call it the "inverse power of praise."
I know I am guilty of it. My wife and I are both constantly telling our daughter how smart she is, if only to combat the power of all those strangers also telling her how "pretty" she is. I want her to be confident not just in her looks, but in her mind. But the research described in the New York article is pretty convincing. I wonder if the same is true for telling a kid how good looking he is? Clearly the conclusion to draw from this is not that parents should tell their kids that they are stupid, but parents should probably structure praise in way that both challenges the child to do more than s/he already does, without eroding the confidence that would allow her/him to do it.Read | Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments