Filed under: Newborns, Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Just for dads, In the news

In some families, the original isn't always the best when it comes to fathers. For 'fragile families', described as low-income urban families prone to non marital births, mothers say that stepfathers are often more engaged, cooperative and willing to share responsibilities than married biological fathers.

A new study finds that while married biological fathers and stepfathers may be almost equally engaged with the children themselves, it is their interaction with mom that often makes stepfathers better parents. The mothers surveyed reported that stepfathers shared their parental views and were more open to talking about their parental wants than natural fathers. Rebekah Levine Coley, a developmental psychologist at Boston College, says this is probably because stepfathers "have to work harder to fit in and to have a useful productive role."

Coley says the findings contradict the popular view among social workers and experts that dads are more invested if the child is of their own flesh and blood. "I think this research does, to some extent, call some of those assumptions into question," she said.

The conclusions were made after interviewing 2,098 urban mothers from the The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing study and will be published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

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Filed under: Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Education

As kids head back to school with new backpacks and sneakers and grins missing teeth, you're breathing a sigh of relief. Right? Isn't that what you're doing?

Well, maybe not if your child is going to school for the first time (if that's the case, deep breath, everything will be FINE....) But for kids heading back to school for the second year, or the fifth for that matter, you know your child is re-entering the realm of structured routines, after school activities, and yes, homework.

Is it a good thing? The homework, I mean. Some parents say it's the best thing ever--and they hound me from day one for more homework, more homework. Others say the opposite, and wonder why I ever send any homework home at all.

In my opinion homework in the elementary grades serves only one purpose: to get young students into routine of doing homework in preparation for the later grades. Other than that, I think it interferes with the meaningful and enriching activities children should be doing after school and at home with their families. Call me a renegade, but there is quite a bit of research out there to support my view.

Don't get me wrong-I'm not saying children should go home and play video games all afternoon. I think every child should spend time with books every single day--reading independently and being read. I also think that parents should involve their children in other meaningful academic activities that are incorporated into daily life--like playing math games, or doing research on a topic that the child is interested in.

But homework for homework's sake when your kid is 6 years old? I'm not convinced.

I'm curious. Do you think homework in the early grades is important and necessary--or is it overrated, and perhaps taking precious time away from other activities children could be doing?

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Filed under: Just for moms, Just for dads, Special needs

Nearly 5 years ago, I found myself at a wedding in a city far from my home, away from my 3-month-old twins who'd been born prematurely, and had recently been released from the NICU.

The fact that I would leave my family at such a time to travel to this wedding says a lot about the couple being married that day: I'd known the bride since girlhood and felt as close to her as if she were a sister.

Being mom to 3 children was still new to me, then; people would ask if I had kids and I'd answer, "Yes, a 4-year-old," and then hastily add, "And twins! The babies are 3 months."

Only sometimes did I say that my son Avery had Down syndrome. I didn't have the words figured out, yet. I didn't know how to manage my reactions as well as the reactions of others. Even the terms were problematic: sometimes I'd say "Down syndrome," sometimes I preferred "Trisomy 21," which sounded (to me) more scientific and was less likely to elicit stereotypes.

Too, I sometimes said too much. I'd go into great detail about all of it--my water breaking at dawn (what a lovely image!) and the premature delivery and Avery's diagnosis, on and on, until I was exhausted and so was my poor conversation partner, whom I'm sure was regretting the one simple question that unlocked Pandora's box.

Continue reading A Little More: What not to say

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Filed under: Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Health & safety, Eating & nutrition

Make sure your kids brush their teeth long enough with this simple trick

Continue reading DailyDish - Brushing teeth is as easy as A-B-C

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Filed under: Teens & tweens, Education, Religion & spirituality

I'm not sure there could be a worse headline, as far as I'm concerned: "Church Attendance Boosts Student GPA's." Luckily, it's not quite that simple. Researchers did find that going to church affects a teenager's grades, chances of dropping out, and sense of school community as much as whether or not the parents had college degrees, but it's not so much God's work as it is several other, identifiable factors.

The reasons for the improved performance include:

• The students have role models they see regularly from multiple generations.
• Parents are more likely to be in touch with the parents of their kids' friends.
• It is more likely that their friends' families will have the same values and expectations as their own.
• They tend toward higher rates of participation in extracurricular activities.

Other studies that have identified benefits of church attendance also pointed to the social networking and psychological aspects of being a member of a church as the key factors. If your kids attend church already, these findings may not be of much use to you, but not everyone goes to church or has any interest in doing so. For those of us in the latter category, this research has great value.

Continue reading Going to church means heavenly grades?

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Filed under: Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Fun & activities, Weird but true, Education

When the police in Auckland, New Zealand were called to shut down a loud party last Friday, they probably expected that the party-goers would be a bunch of kids. What they probably didn't expect is that the kids would all be about five years old. But that is exactly what they found when they responded to a complaint made by what can only be described as a cranky neighbor.

The One Tree Hill Kindergarten was in the midst of their annual disco party, rocking out to Bob the Builder and the Chicken Dance when noise control officials arrived on the scene around 6:30 pm. Teacher Jenny Skerritt said the officials seemed a bit "red faced" as they ordered them to turn it down or shut it down. "I don't think it was that ragey, but it's all a matter of perspective I guess," she said.

Perspective, indeed. The babies sleeping in the very next room obviously didn't think it was too loud. Nevertheless, they turned the music down and continued with their party. And just for kicks, they plan to frame that noise abatement notice for all to see.

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Filed under: Kids 8-11, Education

School should be a safe place, one where kids can concentrate on learning, not on staying alive. Sadly, however, that's not always the case. "If you're afraid you're going to get beat up after school, it's hard to concentrate when you're in algebra class," said David Kopperud of the California Department of Education. In 1998, the World Health Organization surveyed more than fifteen thousand sixth through tenth grade students and found that nearly a third had been involved in bullying.

There are serious consequences of bullying and not just for the students directly involved. The American Medical Association estimates that as many as 160,000 kids refuse to go to school each day because of bullying. The kids miss out on their education and the schools lose their funding. Further, kids can end up with problems that affect their relationships, self-esteem, and emotional well-being. The U.S. Secret Service found that three out of four school shooters were bullied.

These days, there's an added twist to the problem -- the internet. Bullying has become "more extreme, more humiliating and more public," according to Elayne Savage, a psychotherapist and author of "Don't Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing With Rejection." She sees the effects of bullying in her adult clients too. "You never forget the hurtful slurs and actions," she says.

Continue reading Back to school shouldn't mean back to bullying

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Filed under: Just for moms, Just for dads, Divorce & custody, Relatives, Single parenting

We've all seen swimmer Micheal Phelps' mother and sisters cheering him on from the stands as he makes history at the Beijing Olympics. Conspicuously missing from this family picture is his father, Fred. Not only is Fred absent in China, he hasn't even spoken to his son since the games began.

"He's so busy, I'm sure not even his agent can get a hold of him," Fred said. "I'm very proud of him and all he's done. This is not about me, it's about him."
Michael's parents were high school sweethearts who divorced when he was just nine years old. "It was like a storybook [marriage], but sometimes chapters go in different directions," says his mother Debbie. "We were close, but we grew apart."

Clearly Fred Phelps grew apart not just from his wife, but from his son as well. When Fred showed up at the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, Michael admitted that up until that point, he hadn't been in contact with his father since he graduated high school. He also revealed that his father hadn't even reached out to him after he set his first world record in 2001. "There are reasons and I really don't want to get into that," Michael said.

Whatever those reasons were, they clearly were not resolved. After the 2004 Games, father and son became estranged once more. And while Fred Phelps watches from afar, Michael Phelps gives credit for his success where credit is due. "The person I love the most is sitting in the front row - my mom - for everything she's done," Michael told reporters in Beijing.

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Filed under: Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Money & work, Places to go, Health & safety, Life & style, Playground bureau, Childcare, Environment, Education, Resources

How do your kids get to school? How did you get to school when you were a kid? Taking the yellow school bus, walking or riding a bike may all seem like normal methods of getting to school. In the modern world, we drive and carpool as well. But what about in urban environments where a lot of parents don't drive or even own a car? They take the subway.

And they do it ALONE. That's right--I've seen it myself. Kids popping onto and off of the subway without a parent in sight. How do they manage it? And why, you might wonder, do their parents let them do it? Well, necessity is the mother of invention and a lot of other things, it turns out. Kids are going in one direction, their parents in another (to school versus work), and the main way to get around town in New York, for example, is underground.

Turns out, it's probably safer too. Driving in this city is a disaster on a good day. You're a LOT less likely to get into an accident on the subway than you are in your car. Plus, the kids tend to travel in packs on the subway. I never see a kid get onto an empty car at an odd (non-rush hour) time. They pick which car to meet up on and collect as the train makes its stops toward their final destination. I know because I can hear them screeching above my iPod.

Continue reading Riding the subway - to school?

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Filed under: Babies, Just for dads, Love & sex, Pregnancy & birth, Life & style, Celeb parenting, That's entertainment

Yes, he does. The action movie star recently divulged that he wants a large family to Ok! magazine. Diesel, real name Mark Sinclair Vincent, a native New Yorker, says he wants twelve kids!

Diesel recently became a father to a daughter, and apparently the experience has been a good one! Diesel and girlfriend Paloma Jimenez welcomed the tot, whose name has not been revealed, four months ago.

The actor says being in the movie The Pacifier solidi fed his desire for children. Being around all the babies awakened his paternal instincts. Yes, even the star of such movies as The Fast and The Furious has paternal instincts!

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